6/30/10

Today was great :) I cannot begin to explain the joy I have about the journey I have come across since coming here to Pittsburgh and The Project.

I have learned so much here at the Project. I cannot imagine any other place where I could learn so much about life, about my faith, and most of all....about myself. There have been some challenging times here with the children and all, but nothing, and I mean nothing competes with the love, strength, wisdom, and the sense of family that I get from being here. It is not just the people here. They will come and go, some of them. It is the mission, the atmosphere and the passion this Project has. There is something special about this place. There truly is.

As many (or all) of you know, before coming here, and a couple days after, I truly hated the thought of being here. The idea to be in a Christian-based organization for the whole summer frightened me. Who are these people going to accept? What will they be like? Will they be welcoming? Will they be open-minded? Am I going to be able to talk to anyone?

These questions raced through my mind day after day until one day. One day, I noticed something about this place. People aren't perfect. Christians....are not perfect. No one is. And these people here do not act like there is nothing wrong and that God is so wonderful that everything is well. People realize this community needs a lot of help. They know that. They know their own lives need a lot of help. Not everyone here has a flawless and strong relationship with God. I started to feel welcomed. I'm not sure why. I think I felt a little at ease when i realized these people are so open-minded. They are incredibly open-minded. This whole family of staff that lives and works here. They are amazing.

Over the course of about 4-5 weeks, I have become part of something bigger than myself. Something........bigger than myself. I didn't think i would ever say that. Do you know how good that feels? Let me tell you......it feels like.... well.....it really is emotional. There is something here that really is comforting to me. There is something here that lets me know everything is going to be ok for me. Something....that helps me get through my struggles, no matter what they are. It is something that is always there....ALWAYS there. Do you know what it is.....

It's Family.

I have family here. It's community. I am surrounded by love here and best of all....they remind me every......single.....day.

Here I am. Writing this blog. About this amazing community here. This amazing place we call the Pittsburgh Project. So here I am. I have fallen in love. I have had my heart ripped right from my chest when Shane died on me. I will never forget the pain I was put through. I was so emotionally weak that I couldn't even tell if I was hungry...or when the last day I ate was. I've gone through hell in my life. But now....as I write my testimony about being here at this ...... this safe Haven at the Project...with this caring family I have become a part of.... I cry. These are tears of joy people. I have never felt so welcomed at a place. Never have i felt so embraced, so empowered, so loved, so encouraged, and so included in a community.

I have changed as a person here. I am not done changing. But I do believe a small part of me has made me a changed person.

I couldn't be happier. I really couldn't. These people here have taught me so much about life. So much more than I can imagine. They have taught me a great deal about faith....and we are just getting started. I have learned so much about community. Also a lot about gardening ;). But most of all.....they have helped me learn so much about myself. Who is this person, I ask. Who is this person who walked into the Project with almost no faith? I'm not saying I have a deep connection with God now. I don't. And it will take a long long time. But right now, I feel so empowered by his people, and his community here. I believe I can work on this relationship.

I have had a relationship where the connection faded. Eventually, the connection was non-existant because the person I put all trust into....all my devotion....took his life. I believed in nothing. Nothing at all. Then.... i found that connection I lost. It was always there.

I'm feeling the same way right now about my relationship with God. I had a good relationship with him at one point. I lost it for a really long time. I think by the help of my friends (or "family") here, I am starting to realize He was always there.

So. Here is my announcement. I know most of you are not going to like this. I know. And I do apologize. But please understand this....I am doing this because I KNOW that this is what I need to do. I am extending my stay of AmeriCorps for another year. Here. At the Project. As far as school, I am going part time during the year. Will i go back to school after this? Of course I will. I am so dedicated to my education. But at this point, I really believe I need to be here longer. As far as if I will come back to Michigan/Western after the year here, or stay in Pittsburgh for school, that is up in the air. This is what I want for me. Be happy for me. As I am happy for you. This is my journey. This is my chapter. I'm writing it with joy. These plans are 95% sure in place. Never doubt the 5%. Never. For now... I believe this is what is right for me. Most of you will hate this. But my hope from you...ALL of you...is that you are filled with joy for me. This is my journey. This is my life. And may I say....I am so crushed to not be able to live closer with my friends and family....but I just know this is.......I know this is for me.

I love you all.