08/25/10 - - I'm Still Alive

My apologies for the lack of coverage in the life of Jeremy. Counting on my memory serving me right, I do believe the last blog was middle of July. The hands-down best summer of my life had passed by my eyes like a lightning bolt since then. Saying goodbye to the summer staff was an agonizing, distressful experience. I just didn't know how to balance out the emotions of sadness and happiness from all of the reminiscence racing through my mind. Like the saying goes, "Don't cry because it's over... Smile because it happened." That.... I have done.

My flight left the Steel City about 1 in the afternoon on August 10th. I kept the image of looking at the beautiful skyline in the rear view mirror with me, dear to my heart! Okay, Okay...I know I'm sounding like I'm never going back, but I do truly miss the city!

This summer has been amazing. I can't imagine what I would be doing should I have turned down this opportunity or even not apply for this. I am so grateful for what uncharted experiences I have been able to explore in such an amazing and lively city. I would give anything to do it all over again. My friends that I have made are irreplaceable and its them that I was able to pursue further into what I can truly do in Pittsburgh. Often, I would find myself asking how is it I am getting paid to have this much fun over the summer??? I will never be able to forget this summer. Perhaps one of the fondest memories I miss is singing my heart out with friends in the car. Getting lost. At night. Windows down. Yes...those were the times. I can still feel laying down on the grass, looking up at the wispy clouds reminiscing on times that put the biggest ear-to-ear smiles on our faces. How can I ever forget kayaking with the girls along the downtown skyline? Or how about going out to eat at midnight for half off menu. Or seeing a broadway performance of Hairspray for $14? It is surely safe to say that I have had the best summer of my life in Pittsburgh.

My time between my contracts in AmeriCorps here in Holland has been alright. I do wish I could have seen more people, but indefinitely thankful for those who I have had the chance to see. Time with the family has been good, but most definitely ready to go back to the city. I sure wish I could have spent the time in Michigan to really see more people, but I think I'll be able to do that on my breaks home now.

My job description manifesto is 16 pages. I'm working with some 12 collaborative non profit partners. Events will be organized by yours truly. I will be attending as many meetings and events as my biological clock will allow. The farm will still be calling my name, along with the local homeless shelter. Over the course of this madness I will establish a relationship with the community and build upon it. Most of all... I will (try to) not lose my sanity. Some might say this is overwhelming. Though I agree, I call this my future for the next year. I'm not trying to prematurely incorporate pessimism into my work, but I just can't stop thinking about how many different aspects go into this responsibility. I have this inevitable thought crawling through my brain telling me I'm not qualified enough for this position. Maybe I am...but how am I to follow up and live up to the expectations to the previous employee who actually established many partnerships within the city, made a neighborhood advisory board from scratch, and developed loving connections with this neighborhood? I know, it will take time. And it is welcoming and calming to hear some people say I have a wonderful community to back me up on whatever I do. And indeed, I do feel I have a great community to back me up and support me. Over the ephemeral summer in that neighborhood, I feel like I already made some starting relationships with program directors, members, children, and community volunteers, as well as amazing community residents with the biggest hearts and open arms you can imagine. I'd like to think the community in the neighborhood and the Pittsburgh Project community is enough to float me above the worries I bring with me. My hope is that with God's continual guidance, along with the Pittsburgh Project family, I will be able to believe in myself more. One of the things that came up on my end of the summer evaluation from the Project is to work on my self-confidence. There is no disagreeing here. I know this, and have known it for a while. But time will only tell what success may bring out of me. Am I excited for this next year? Hell yes. Nervous? Of course. Ready to make a change in a neighborhood that is calling for help, while representing AmeriCorps proudly? That...is what I am proud to do.