Today I had to break up a fight. I really hate doing this. As I told them to line up outside, one kid (we'll name him A) was pushing another kid (he shall be named Z). It's nothing new, so I said "stop.." and before I could muster out "..you fools!", they were already striking each other. Immediately, a teacher's aid got ahold of Z and I sprinted to get ahold of A. Another kid, M, was spewing fuel on the fire by calling both A and Z names...I'm pretty sure it was just fun. I mean, if you were 10 and saw a fire, wouldn't it be a little fun to add some gasoline to it?
Anyway, we managed to isolate the two (no easy task by any means) "A" and I had a little chat. I wanted to ask him how he developed so much anger and became so hostile within one simple fight from pushing. There had to be something underneath it. Something has been brushed under the rug too much....and it's beginning to show. Understandably, he refused to share any information with me. After all, I'm not his real teacher anyway. After some probing questions, he told me the more fights he gets in the more angry he gets. He also wanted to tell me that "you win some, you lose some". Really? This can't be the attitude that is being transferred on to the youth. But it is. I asked him where he heard that from and somewhat surprisingly he said his mom. He said that he can't lose any more battles... or he "won't be king."
I don't know his whole story, but I do know enough to know that there is little fatherness in the home and all uncles are in jail. This kid was just suspended from school last week for fighting and now is getting suspended from this program for fighting. There obviously is no initiative at home to fix this behavior...in fact, I will go far enough to say that the home environment fosters the behavior. The school has no interest to find the root of the problems. Why would they...they have hundreds of other students to deal with. Someone needs to invest in this child. Yes, he started a fight today. But what if no one shows him someone cares. When will the next fight occur? When will he finally just lose it because no one was there to listen to him and do something much worse than fighting someone? I can't even count the number of times this kid said "I'm going to kill him" with so....so....so much passion behind his voice. I tried to look him in the eyes, but I couldn't see him. I only saw the eyes of someone who has taken over this child. It wasn't the eyes of the "A" that I know. Something has swallowed up this kid when he gets angry. It's not normal. So if not me, who will take interest in him? Who will invest in this kid when everyone else punishes him and puts him to the side, to deal with the next kid? I just don't know what to do. I want to connect with him and show him the glory of God and see if he has ever picked up a bible.
Many people seem to bypass the verse in the beginning because they seem to imply that we are to just allow people to beat the tar out of us and not resist the physical violence and injury that others put upon us. But that's not it! That's the thing. How do I come across this child and teach the words of Jesus Christ when so many people think "turn the other cheek" just means turning your cheek to get beat even more. God does not give us commands that are impossible to obey. It is so incredibly easy for us to think something God says is impossible to obey. I admit, none of us are great followers of His words. He certainly gives us ones that are difficult and challenges us. Yet, He never gives us ones that are impossible.
All too often, as a new born-again Christian, it's hard for me to concentrate on biblical readings in staff meetings. Not because I'm distracted by the guy doing crossword next to me, but because they are so powerful and so much to take in. Key messages are said in carefully scripted phrases that seem flawless. I've learned that in order to understand what God wants of us, it is important to catch key details. Anytime the Bible gives us a particularly evocative detail about something, we need to pay particular attention. Something, I am still learning...yes, I do mean paying attention. Ever asked me to tell a story, and then you interrupted me, and said "ok, sorry, go on." No...I can't go on...I don't know where I left off....all I know is that you started talking about your mom calling and then OH!!! Ok now I remember.
I'm going to be a great social worker. :/
Anyway, back to my point, there is a vivid key detail in the beginning verse from Matthew that certainly speaks some volume. Jesus said, if someone "strikes you on the right cheek" then you are to turn your face to him in such a way as to present your left cheek. The implication being that he may hit you again. So I had to ask myself..."why the right cheek? Why not the left?"
Picture someone getting hit on the right cheek. What is the most likely way for that to happen? Think....are most people right handed or left handed? Right, Right (:p). Since most people are right handed and would hit someone with their right hand, then the only way for them to hit someone on the right cheek is to do it as a backhanded slap. What Jesus is speaking about here is not letting someone pummel you into a pile of broken bones. Rather, He is talking about taking an insult. A backhanded slap is just that---an insult that challenges you to retaliate. Notice---an insult that challenges you to retaliate. It is an attempt to shame you and get you to either back down in utter humiliation or lash out. It is not only a challenge from the striker to see what the response will be, but a challenge to see your faithfulness to God's words. Deep stuff, I know.
Yet, to turn the other cheek is neither humiliating nor retaliation. When I told "A" to just walk away next time, he responded that other kids will call him a "punk" because he walked away instead of fighting and that kids will make fun of him. I want to tell him that it is rather a response of strength that says, "I will not seek revenge because I am stronger than that". I think it also says, "I will not respond in shame because I have dignity in Christ. My dignity is not found in if I can hit you back and hurt you or not. Rather, my dignity is found in Christ and I will respond in just the way He would." Now, I know no kid would ever say this, but this is the idea and mindset I would love for him to have.
Now, I understand that in today's world, there is rarely a "backhanded" slap. That would just be awkward and weird...because no one really does that to someone's cheek.....do they? There are times when people might give you a verbal backhand, haha, or show great disrespect in some way. But, it is those things that get people all worked up and excited. For example...the silly name calling today. Think of how often you see people arguing and fighting because someone "disrespected" them. Today was a prime example. I mean come one....the ONLY rule in Ecology class is Respect. . . We are definitely going to need to study that rule more.
The boys that were fighting today were not just letting out anger. They were looking for dignity. They want an acknowledgement that they are a person of substance and importance. In this case, I think "A" was looking for dominance and superiority. If someone does not give them that respect and feeling they look for, then for some reason they feel violated. "A", in my opinion, was trying to show that he is stronger, better, more significant than "Z", which is not true....all my students are equal.... :/
So, instead of turning the other cheek, you strike back, preferably with even more force! If that is what you need to do to get respect and dignity, you will never have it in sight. And I need to penetrate this through to these kids. I know it's not in my job description, but it is in my job title---KEYS(Knowledge to empower youth to success). I need to empower these youth to a successful life without violence.
Our dignity comes because we are made in the image of God, correct? Our significance comes because we are called by Jesus to be world changers, yes? Our power and strength comes because our bodies are filled with the Holy Spirit who gives us the ability to receive the insults of others and respond with, am I right? This is how Christ tells us he responded to those who hurled insults at Him.
People like Jackie Robinson knew that they would face insult after insult because of color. Those insults were intended to humiliate and incite an even more violent response (backhand slap!). The hope was that such a response would then justify the impression of the black man as uncivilized. But when the response was a quiet dignity that came from within, it changed the world. Racial barriers began to fall and reconciliation started to take place. Hallelujah!
It is no different for Christians. When we respond to insults with the same kind of vindictiveness then we affirm for the world that Christianity is a shame. But...when we respond in quiet dignity, drawing on the power of Christ, we provoke a response of respect and wonder and we compel people to want to learn more about Jesus, get it?!
Turning the other cheek is not impossible. I want to instill this in the children. But...it is difficult. But when we do respond with the gentle dignity of Jesus, then we bring glory to Him.
:)
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